Struggling Valiantly

mairakalman-optimism

From Maira Kalman’s And The Pursuit of Happiness

At this point, I have to say, I’m very far from the getting up and saying OK part. The tripping part, on the other hand, I’ve managed with spectacular efficacy tonight. And I suspect it’ll be a long while before I get round to feeling sorry for everyone and so proud. But the lines that do feel ropeburned upon every inch of me is, “How are we all so brave as to take step after step? Day after day?” Because really, this morning, I felt a little anxious about the day ahead but would never have imagined that it would be so overwhelmingly kapow! And in a bad way at that. Yet, in a few hours, I’ll step into the shower, step out of the house and make my way through all the banal little things that Sunday holds in store. Then it’ll be Monday and I’ll walk into work.

Perhaps by then I won’t be wishing with every step I take that the earth swallow me up.

Note to universe: It is no fun being reminded how much of a con job my air of “I’ve got it under control” is.

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