Wag

I’ve seen some delightfully ridiculous things in my time, but this is special.

You can read more about why Tailly’s creator felt that it was time the world had the option of a wearable, wagging tail.

Never mind whether the sight of a tail poking out of a skirt or pair of pants seems normal — because really, who cares about normal? — I’m far more dubious about an accessory that reveals what I’m thinking quite so unmistakably. For instance, let’s say I’m strolling past Anthony Lane or Daniel Day Lewis (what? It could happen. In my dreams) and there I am looking elegant and nonchalant (like I said, in my dreams). This vision would be somewhat compromised if the back view of my elegant, nonchalant self included a tail wagging energetically because my pulse has gone haywire at the sight of any or both of those men. It adds a whole new dimension to that line from that Right Said Fred song: “I can’t make head nor tail of passion.”

The opposite is as bad. For example, I sat through an incredibly boring interview today. It was putting me to sleep but of course, I had to look alert and nod as though every word uttered by person made sense. I think they were convinced. If my tailly didn’t wag in tandem with my nodding head, my lack of enthusiasm for this person’s work would be obvious, wouldn’t it? Then the person I was interviewing would be furious and maybe their tailly would wag manically. Which would freak me out and so my tailly would go totally still. Until they said something snarky — as people are justifiably wont to when they’re faced with someone who thinks they’re boring — which is when I’d lose my temper, leading to my tailly going nuts.

In short, it would be a mess if I had an accessory that responded to my brain activity.

Come to think of it, I can only imagine what hell it would be for men. They’d have to control an appendage in front and  an accessory at the back, both of which respond to brain activity. Sheesh.

So yeah, not convinced this tail-wagging business is a good idea. I do like the thought of a pet and its human having a wagging contest though. That I would watch.

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