The Obama love fest that’s been spraying itself all over the media is something that’s intrigued me for the past few months. It’s not that I have anything against hot, young world leaders but the kind of squealing and swooning that’s directed at President Barack Obama makes it seem more like he’s ruling the roost in Sweet Valley High instead of the White House. Admittedly, this is better than having a president who seems to be more serious about a career in stand-up comedy and has a liking for torture and warfare but wasn’t it time that the gushing gave way for at least the beginning of a backlash? Today I realised that America would probably never get over its Obama obsession, and it’s all because of the way way he looks. Find an American you like and chances are, Obama’s face can transform itself into something very close to it. It is miraculous. He’s almost like Zelig.
First, he let us see a resemblance with Jay-Z. But then what about all those people who don’t like hip hop? Add an emo on Obama, and he pendulums to the other end of the musical spectrum to rock music and turns into druggie Red Hot Chili Peppers-frontman Anthony Kiedis.
Considering the fact that Dubya was the elected president for two terms, it’s credible that some people might be missing him. Have no fear. Obama and unemployed Photoshop guy are near. (It’s No. 3 that I find particularly freaky. )
Now I’m waiting for the one with Obama and Jesus. Turning him into a redhead would be a challenge for the best of Photoshoppers, I thought, but then a friend forwarded this exchange between Patrice Evans and Larry Wilmore where Wilmore pontificates upon the Son of God’s “homey heritage”.
Clue #1: From the moment of the immaculate conception, the question of “who the baby daddy” was already an issue.
I’m not saying this makes Jesus black, but without DNA testing in his time and no existence of a Maury Povich show, this open question brothafies him in my book.
Clue #2: He was born in a manger because his parents weren’t allowed to stay in any inn.
Weren’t allowed because they were…you can finish it.
Clue #3: His cousin had the first hip-hop name: John the Baptist.
This is a good 2,000 years before Cedric the Entertainer.
Clue #4: He walked on water.
There’s only one reason he would choose to walk on water: Brothas can’t swim. NOTE: However President Obama, as evidenced from pictures of him in swimming trunks, can swim.
Clue #5: He spoke in pre-Ebonics.
Blessed be the poor, blessed be the meek, etc., etc. These were even called the beatitudes. That’s a double bonus. It takes the black familiar use of “be” and couples it with “attitude.” And this doesn’t even take into account all the begats.
Clue #6: He had a large posse.
Even by today’s standards a 12-man posse is pretty big. In fact, some suggest the word “posse” is derived from “apostle.” NOTE: I want to know which of the 12 would be Rahm Emanuel.
Clue #8: He fed 5,000 with two loaves and five fish.
There is only one way to do this: Make gumbo. I’ve seen brothas who started with less feed more than 5,000.
Clue #10:He drank out of a chalice.
Once again, he did this a good 2,000 years before Snoop Dogg made it cool.
Clue #11:He didn’t have a job.
We all know Jesus was a carpenter but there’s no historical evidence to suggest that he ever had a job. Keep in mind, this was back in the day when everything was either wood or stone. It would seem to me that if you were a carpenter, you’d be turning down work pretty much your whole life. The fact that there’s no evidence Jesus ever had a job in 33 years can be attributed only to racism. No one wanted to hire a brotha carpenter.
Clue #14:Like Tupac, he became more famous after he died.
And also like Tupac, years after his death, fresh material is still being unearthed.
Clue #15: He didn’t get a fair trial.
Clue #19: No one knows where he is.
He said he’d be back but no one’s seen him for 2,000 years. If this isn’t like a brother, then I don’t know what.
Clearly, there isn’t much Photoshopping required.