Double click

Two reasons to love the New Yorker this week:

1. Anthony Lane’s review of Antichrist.

For every promise of affection, there is a snap of wrath, and the woman who declares, “I love you, darling,” is the same person who, not long after, fetches a drill to bore a hole in her beloved’s leg, plus a pair of scissors for herself. If you have eyes, prepare to shut them now. A word to the squeamish: there is no shame in leaving as the tools—and I use the word advisedly—come out. … Dafoe is game but wearily baffled, as if he were only just realizing what he signed up for, and how it adds to his list of screen punishments: first he had hot wax dripped onto his sternum by Madonna, in “Body of Evidence,” then he suffered the intense humiliation of being beaten up by Tobey Maguire, in “Spider-Man,” and now he has a log being used as a battering ram on his private parts. Even Madonna would have frowned at that.

Those who are sick of Freud will be happy to know that as of Antichrist’s release, there is no such thing as penis envy. Miraculously, Antichrist is going to be showing in certain Mumbai theatres during the coming film festival. I’m going to take Mr. Lane’s advice and head for the exit as soon as “the tools come out”.

2. The Cartoon Lounge’s attempt at trendspotting.

When the preferred brand name in Internet video communication, Skype, found out that a large percentage of the world’s population was lactose intolerant, they were outraged, and quickly introduced legislation in California that made it a hate crime to think negative thoughts about dairy products. Their next move is rumored to be Skype Milk. It makes a lot of sense, because calcium will give you good posture, and you need good posture so that you won’t slump off the screen right in the middle of a video conference. But there’s more—did you know that, in addition to having a unique fingerprint, every individual also has a unique milk moustache? It’s your automatic password.

It’s worth pointing out that in the real, non-fiction world, PETA has discovered that cows can suffer from humiliation if people laugh at them. The bovine reaction to cows being revered by manic Hindu fundamentalists is not known.