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Call no. 1

“Hello, Meru Cabs?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’d like to book a cab.”

“Certainly, ma’am.  Could I have your address?”

Insert address.

“What time would you like the Meru cab, ma’am?”

“10am, please.”

“Please hold, ma’am, while the system allocates a cab for you. Thank you for calling Meru.”

(Music)

(Automated voice) “You. Have. Asked. For. A. Meru. At. 10. am. Sorry, no cabs are available at your requested time. Thank you for choosing Meru.”

Call no. 2

“Hi, I’d called to book a cab a little while ago.”

“Good morning, ma’am. Can I have your address or your phone number?”

Repeat address and phone number.

“Please hold the line while I transfer you to the System.”

“No, wait –”

(Music)

(Dead silence)

Call no. 3

“Hi, I’m calling to book a cab.”

“Good morning, ma’am. Can I have your address or your phone number?”

“No, you can’t because the moment I give it to you, you’ll transfer me to some automated voice. I want to know when you can send me a taxi.”

“Only the System can give you this information.”

“The System just hung up on me and before that, it told me I couldn’t get a cab.”

“The System knows, ma’am.”

“But I want to know when I can get a cab.”

“The System will tell you, ma’am. The System knows.”

“No, you don’t understand. I understand you can’t send me a taxi at 10am — ”

“I don’t send, ma’am. The System decides this.”

“Yes, whatever. So I understand there are no available taxis at 10am but can you tell me when you would be able to send me a taxi?”

“Only the System knows, ma’am. I must refer you to the System.”

“No, wait. You can’t tell me when a cab is likely to be available?”

“No, ma’am. Only the System can tell you this.”

“And the only way for me to find this out is to keep calling you and then asking the System if I can get a cab at say, 10.40, then 11am and so on? You can’t look at your schedules or registers or something and tell me?”

“I can’t interfere with the System, ma’am. I’m not allowed to interfere. The System decides.”

“But the System doesn’t know that I don’t mind if I get the taxi 20 minutes later!”

“It’s a Meru, ma’am, and the System knows everything. Everything about Merus, that is.”

“So can I ask why my call isn’t redirected to the System in the first place, since apparently you can’t help me with anything and the System knows everything?”

“Everyone likes to hear a human voice, ma’am. I’ll just transfer you to the System. Thank you for calling Meru.”

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7 thoughts on “Meru Matrix

    • There’s Priyadarshini, the cab service with women drivers, and a few more that are slightly better in terms of service. Thank heavens. Meru remains the most amusing so far.

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