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Since my own sense of humour seems to have gone on an indefinite strike, I am going to outsource some witticism for the blog. Allow me to present an American, who will be funny for me, thus bucking the usual outsourcing pattern. Here are selected excerpts from a comic piece by author Gary Shteyngart, titled – wait for it – “Outsourced“.

@Shteyngart Like most busy mega-celebrities, I’ve decided to outsource my tweets.

#Outsourced2India Namaste, everyone! This is the Real Gary Shteyngart from NYC, USA!

#Outsourced2India Savoured some excellent aloo parathas at the test match against Pakistan.

#Outsourced2India I meant to say, enjoyed a bang-up FilletO’Cheese at the NJ Giants Sporting Centre. Go, squadron!

#Outsourced2India Just found out they’re out-outsourcing the Real Gary to Italy because the rupee is strong & euro about to collapse.

#Outsourced2Minsk Hello. It is Real Gary. I am depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Still depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Drunk and depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Just drunk.

#Outsourced2Minsk Best friend Oleg throw me out of his Lada. He beat me. I beat him. Depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Drunk with Oleg. Now he is Best Friend FOREVER. I am so happy. Depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Got 10 years in labor camp for wearing wrong shirt to parade. Whatever. Outsourcing continues to Korea.

#Outsourced2Seoul Annyeong haseyo! This is the Real Gary Shteyngart, ranked 1,546th important American writer.

#Outsourced2Seoul Tweet boss say I am not A-team. I am maybe B-team or C-team. I feel a big shame in front of him. Also family.

#Outsourced2Seoul Standing on Mapo Bridge over Han River. I have no wife, no car, no top college degree, no leg. Wish I could outsource myse

#Outsourced2Seoul Last tweet was over 140 characters. Please accept my sincere apologies for this horrible mistake. Goodbye, cruel wo

 

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