The things you discover when you’re with Switzerland’s leading Bollywood expert:
Actor Salman Khan = A blow-up doll.
It’s like they were separated at birth. And no, that’s not a blow-up doll version of Salman Khan. That’s just a regular, buy-it-on-the-internet (Why? Who am I to judge?) blow-up doll.
In case you were wondering, I found the doll while trying to find a photo of Hrithik Roshan. Thank you, Aunty Google.
Incidentally, Salman Khan has one of the more entertaining Twitter feeds among those of Bollywood stars. There are the Pinter-esque ones, like “seriously?” and “Hi”. Sometimes, he tells you whether or not he skipped dinner. At times he laments about issues that bother many of us in Mumbai, like this one:
“haji ali juice center shuts at abt 12 ? Wow . Dint kno that, now that’s really sad,wonder y ? used to have juice n pizza’s at 5am.”
Then there’s tweets like this one that defy description:
“NOTHING JST ON MY WAY TO THE AIRPORT GOING TO DUBAI TO SHOOT FOR MENTAL HEARING A TRACK WAKANDA IN MY CAR BY DIMITRI VEGAS AND LIKE MIKE”.
This is how screwed up my head is. I look at that last tweet and keep remembering Leos Carax’s Holy Motors, in which an actor spends the entire day being driven around in a car that takes him from location to location. What if, in the middle of preparing for his next role, the actor sent out tweets like Salman Khan does? He’d add a layer of reality and authenticity to his performances and it would take the madness of Holy Motors to a whole new level of … god knows what. Holy Motors was one of those absurd, inexplicable and utterly mind-boggling films that a viewer — depending upon their artistic inclinations — will either tear apart for being high-on-crack rubbish or celebrate for being brilliant and insightful. Which, I suppose, is how one could also describe Salman Khan, given his heroic stature among many connoisseurs of Bollywood.
I loved Holy Motors.
I can’t stand Salman Blow-up Doll Khan.