Starring Jada PATEL. Yes, Patel. Let us do the garba in celebration. Now.

Starring Jada PATEL. Yes, Patel. Let us do the garba in celebration. Now.

May might be a cruel month for Narendra Modi, but Gujarat’s star is definitely rising. Because when the newest Mills & Boon by Ms. Maisey Yates has a heroine named — wait for it — Jada Patel, then it’s time to take us brown people seriously. Ok, so Jada isn’t exactly a traditional Indian name, but hey, people name their kids after Greek islands and heaven knows what else these days. Her description, however, makes it very clear that she’s a proper Indian beauty:

Black, glossy hair, golden skin and honey-coloured eyes, combined with a petite and perfect figure, made her a very tempting package.

At some point she also says quite clearly that she’s Indian and a proud one at that, which may be deduced from the fact that she names her adopted daughter Leena. When this adopted daughter’s birth father, a hulking Russian hottie named Alik Vasin, questions Jada about Leena’s name, it’s an India Shining moment like no other.

“…Her name is Leena.”

“What sort of name is that?”

“Hindi. She’s named for my mother.”

“She should have a Russian name. I’m Russian.”

“And I’m Indian, and she’s my daughter.”

Take that, Russia!

Not just that, Jada’s no shy, virginal little thing. A widow — her husband was a good Indian lad called Sunil who had a heart defect and like many Indian men couldn’t handle his being the reason they couldn’t have kids. Aside from that he’s a perfectly passable husband — and unintimidated by Alik, Jada impresses the Russian Casanova both with her personality and her sexual flair. Ms. Patel makes the beast with two backs with Mr. Vasin while La Traviata soars in a packed Parisian opera. The next time they have sex, she’s so awesome that he can’t hold himself back and comes before she does (huge no-no in the world of Mills & Boon heroes). As a friend said with full admiration, “What. A. Wench.” Vatsyayana would be proud of her. This might be bigger than Jon Hamm roaming around India shooting for some film about a desi baseball pitcher (or something like that).

I was actually hoping that Alik and Jada would visit Brazil and China during the course of the book. Had Yates done that for them, this could have been a proper BRIC romance.

3 thoughts on “Patel in the House

    • I’m relieved to hear you laughed. If the post inspired serious soul-searching, I’d be very worried. For myself and you.
      And I’m often tempted to record bits of Mills & Boons while I read them. Except I suspect that’s just funny for me.

      • i think you should write notes in the margins while you read them, so the next person who inherits them has a giggle. I found only one Barbara Cartland with one excellent margin note.

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