Full Disclosure

Apparently, while I do go on and on, it seems that I may not be very anon. There are a startling number of people who seem to know I’m the one writing this blog, which is, well, startling. How did you find out? What gave it away? Was it that I wrote about art shows that no one but me attended? Will I ever know? Questions, questions.

Anyway, the point is since the anon-ness of this blog is severely compromised and I don’t really need to be anonymous, I figured it was time to update the About page.

I’m a Mumbai-based journalist. I write about books, art and culture, or what passes for the it in this city, for a living. I rant about the same on this blog, which is something of a mnemonic for me. Going Anon and On has been like an online notebook and that’s how it’s going to stay. None of my published writing will be posted here. For that, there is the other blog. Over the years, I’ve grown quite fond of the idea of being nameless and faceless, which is why I’m refraining from naming myself. Those who know, know. Those who don’t, you’ve missed nothing. Seriously.

Going Anon and On was born in 2008 because someone who exerted a critical influence on my professional life suggested to me that I cease and desist from blogging immediately. At which point I did the only mature thing a girl can do: I shut down the old blog and started a new one, anonymously. Plus, I was very proud of having come up with “anonandon”. Puns are not usually my strength. The rest is in the blog’s archives.

Since none of this is particularly entertaining, here is a Q & A session from when the blog was young.

Question: Are you a man or a woman?

Apparently I write with “masculine vigour”. I didn’t know anyone used phrases like “masculine vigour” unless they were describing a dashing Mills & Boon hero but there you have it. More disturbingly, every time I read that phrase, in my head I see the video of “I’m too Sexy” with the beefcake baldies of Right Said Fred strutting down the catwalk. Word association games aside, I’d like to imagine that this post makes it pretty clear whether I tick the M or F box in forms, even in this gender-bending era.

Question: There’s more than one of you writing this blog, isn’t there?

Er, just because I wrote about multiple personalities doesn’t mean I have them. It would certainly make life simpler on occasion. For example, I spent most of this evening being told I’m an idiot and I have no taste. If I had Dissociative Identity Disorder, I could have turned into Chuck Norris, beat the crap out of my critics and then returned to being my docile self. Instead I’m here, sulking while writing a blog post. So no, there isn’t anyone else who writes here.

Question: Who made you the authority on all the things that you write about?

No one, obviously. Why do you think I’m writing my opinions on a blog? Because when anyone raises the above question, I can smoothly ignore it. Ha!

Question: Would you mind signing off with your real name?

Yes. Because I would a) like to not have to change the title of this blog, b) prefer it if you walked around Mumbai thinking I could be anywhere, at any time, watching you. *whips cape around self and slinks away* Insert shpooky music here.

Now the search terms. All these searches have led more than 50 people to this blog.

SEARCH: “My wife and I went to a wife swapping party in Mulund” I’m really stunned by this. As much because it’s very difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of wife-swapping parties being organised in the suburb of Mulund as for the fact that someone figures Googling will get them access to such parties. Sorry, sirs, no can help.

SEARCH: “dog dressed like a hunter” Umm… nope, I don’t think that is ever going to show up on this blog.

SEARCH: “gorilla showering” I have a feeling you’re the one who asked about the dog. This tendency to anthropomorphise animals is a bit disturbing.

SEARCH: “fetish fairy tale” I’m thinking you don’t mean The Princess and the Pea or Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Try Savita Bhabhi.

SEARCH: “Bollywood wet sari” It is indeed an august tradition in the Indian movie business but my interest in movies isn’t quite sartorial. You’ll have better luck if you look up Mandakini from “Ram Teri Ganga Maili” or Sridevi from “Mr. India”.

SEARCH: “”Siddharth Khosla” married??” Not that I know of but he does have a girlfriend. Admittedly he’s a bit geeky but does the idea of him being married merit two question marks? Surely it’s not that shocking?

SEARCH: “chirodeep numerology” No, he’s a photographer and a darn good one at that. For numerology, try Sanjay Jumaani.

SEARCH: “srinivasan jain girlfriend” Fer crying out loud, he’s married. Don’t believe all the movies about romance in the news room.

SEARCH: “arnab goswami + Gulmohar park” What is this unhealthy obsession with news anchors? No, he lives in Bandra. I know this because I’ve seen him getting a facial at Freeda’s Beauty Salon. Yes, that’s what his mug looks like post-facial.

SEARCH: “people wearing Mario” Like a T-shirt? That’s got to be tough on Mario, whoever he is. I’m not sure what could help with this but Cymroza Art Gallery tells me that they’re going to have a fantastic exhibition of cartoons by Mario Miranda in about a fortnight.

SEARCH: “rehan engineer hot” Hell, yes. But he’s also got a boyfriend. Ah cruel, cruel world…

SEARCH: “ladyboy sexy bar Mumbai” Once upon a time, Voodoo had a reputation for this sort of thing but that’s in the past, I’m told. However, I do see a fair number on S.V. Road after 11 o’clock particularly on Fridays and Saturdays.

SEARCH: “jitish kallat daffy duck” Tsk tsk, is that any way to refer to his highly fashionable shoes? Wait, you were talking about his face? Hmmm… I’m not so sure.

SEARCH: “hot mallu bangla” Lose your illusions, child. There can be no such thing. Not with that genetic cocktail. The only way a Malayali-Bengali person will be hot is if you plonk them in peak equatorial summer heat without airconditioning.

SEARCH: “mallu gujrath” The only combination worse than the above.

SEARCH: “tamil kama” Just the idea of it gives me the heebie-jeebies but if you’re determined, schmooze over to the Dev.D website and click on Lustline. Be warned – “aiyo” is supposedly sex talk.

You know how you know a blog’s grown up? These days, the search terms are subjects that I’ve actually written about in here. One or two people get here by searching for “anonandon”, which fills me with much joy. Who’d have thunk?