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So Mr. Pramod Muthalik of the Sri Ram Sene has decided that he’s going to send khadi saris to all those who send him pink knickers as part of the Pink Chaddi campaign. The saris will remind the loose, forward and pub-going women of the Indian culture that they’re losing sight of with all this pink chaddi nonsense. He has a point. We came up with the zero and the Kama Sutra but we did not come up with underwear, whether it’s for women or men. Neither did we come up with the blouse that saris are worn with nowadays so presumably wearing a sari without a blouse is much more moral and decent than Hallmark traditions like Valenine’s Day.

Me, I’m just relieved that the Sri Ram Sene isn’t sending us their Y-fronts in return (that would be “chemical warfare”, as someone pointed out). Saris, on the other hand, are fine. I’m expecting three from them. I’ve no idea why Mr. Muthalik thinks you can’t be loose, forward and pub-going in a sari because I’ve been doing it for years. Plus, there’s more chances of being hit on when I’m wearing a sari because nothing hides adipose like approximately nine yards of well-wound fabric. Mr. Muthalik would also do well to remember the real history of Valentine’s Day, which I only recently discovered (thank you, AN).

The truth is that Valentine’s day originated in Gujarat, India. It is a well-known fact that Gujarati men, the Patels in particular, mistreated their wives (the Patelianis). One day – it just happened to be February 14 – a Pateliani, having been tortured enough by her husband, finally chose to rebel by beating up her husband with the rolling pin, known as the “velan” in Gujarati. It was the same velan that she used every day but this time, instead of the dough for chapatis, it was used to flatten her husband.

chapati12

Her valour inspired her entire community and Gujarati women picked up their velans and beat up their husbands. There was an outburst of male moaning and in no time, a tradition was born. To commemorate that first day when the brave Pateliani had picked up her velan, thousands and thousands of Gujarati women did the same and beat up their husbands. The wives had the satisfaction of thrashing their husbands and the men experienced the sublime joy of submitting to the women they loved. Soon, the men realised that there was a simple way of getting around the ordeal of being beaten. They began to buy presents and flowers to charm their wives away from the velan and a tradition was born. As Gujarat fell under the influence of Western culture, the tradition was known as “Velan time” before becoming anglicised into Valentine’s.

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14 thoughts on “Heart Beat

  1. “Plus, there’s more chances of being hit on when I’m wearing a sari because nothing hides adipose like approximately nine yards of well-wound fabric…”

    Loved this!

    And of course, thanks for opening my eyes to the “real story” behind V. Day! 🙂

  2. Well this makes more sense than the whole St. Valentine story. It’s much more believable.
    Would they send anyone a sari? Is it pretty fabric?

  3. I can’t take any credit for the discovery of “velan time”, as much as I’d like to. It was one of those email forwards. Which is why it must be true. *nods very seriously*

  4. all this time i thought i knew who anon was and then you go about claiming to “loose” and “forward” and suddenly i’m very confused about who is writing this blog.

  5. Janine, hellew! Thank you. However, I’m not promising historical discoveries like this one in each post. It takes a lot of work (by other people) to come up with stuff like this.

    Leo, if only you’d known me in my younger days…sigh!

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